Amy: Some people, huh?
Charles: Hey, I'm up to 20,000 steps.
Amy: Seriously, Boyle?
Charles: Oh, you don't care about my health? You don't care about if Nikolaj grows up without a papa? You want me to die?
Amy: Honestly? A little.
Charles: Hurts.

Amy: I can't believe they all let C.J. and Gina just buy them off. But we don't need them, 'cause we've got you, and you're a sergeant. Did you sign the letter yet?
Sergeant Jeffords: Um ... I-
Amy: What did he give you?
Sergeant Jeffords: He gave me the ability to continue to serve this community unencumbered by unnecessary oversight. Now, I really have to-
Amy: What did he give you?
Sergeant Jeffords: He gave me a yogurt fridge, all right? I asked for a yogurt fridge, and I got one, right next to my desk! I'm only a man.

Amy: I'm sending this letter with or without your signature. Enjoy your blood yogurt.
Sergeant Jeffords: I will.

Jake: Time is running out. We have the right to a phone call. We need to call the Nine-Nine so they can sort this out with the sheriff.
Captain Holt: No, they would want to get involved and that could endanger them.
Jake: They'd be okay with that. Charles and Amy both love me. Rosa's not scared of anything. I'm like a mentor to Terry.

Captain Holt: Sheriff, I'm ready to talk.
Sheriff Reynolds: This better be good. I'm a busy man.
Captain Holt: You just spent 30 minutes trying to win a radio contest.
Sheriff Reynolds: For my wife. They're giving away Swampsgiving tickets.

Captain Holt: I'm not really Greg, and that's not Larry. We're Captain Raymond Holt and Detective Jake Peralta of the NYPD.
Jake: We've been targeted by Jimmy "The Butcher" Figgis, the mafia boss. We're in witness protection, and that is the full truth.
Sheriff Reynolds: [sighs] [laughs] Good one. That's a good one.
Captain Holt: Just call the U.S. marshal who handles our case. She'll explain everything.
Sheriff Reynolds: She? [laughs] Oh, come on. This is getting crazier by the second. But I'll tell you, I kind of want to see how it plays out.

Jake: This is bad. Figgis has the marshal, and now he knows where we are.
We're sitting ducks. That's the worst kind of duck.
Captain Holt: Tell that to the Dutch Hookbill.

Jake: Hey, fellow prisoners. Hi, there. Everyone, look, we haven't connected as much as maybe we should have. That's our fault. Why don't I just kick things off. I'm Jake, and I like baseball. Now you say something about yourself.
Captain Holt: I'm Raymond. I don't care for baseball.

Amy: So I heard from One Police Plaza. They received my letter, and apparently they also received hundreds of others in support of C. J.
Gina: Yeah, Emily and I sent those in. So Emily, what was that burn I had you write down for Amy because I didn't want to forget it?
Emily: "Why so sad? Did you just find out American Girl doesn't make clothes in adult sizes?"
Gina: No.
Emily: "Steven Seagal called and he wants his ponytail back"?
Gina: Huh-uh.
Emily: "Gina: Hey, Amy, what did one graphing calculator say to the other one? Amy: What? Gina: Why does the sad lady own two of us?"
Gina: That's it!

Rosa: Hey, can you guys keep it down? Need a roof on this thing. Gina, I need a roof.
Gina: Emily.
Emily: On it.

Amy: Listen, you selfish jerks, that guy in there, the one playing the bongos right now, he thinks we're killing it, so he's just staying out of our way.
Well, the only reason we're killing it is because Captain Holt never let us be satisfied with ourselves. He always inspired us to work harder and smarter, to be better. And if he were here right now, he'd be ashamed of us.

Jake: Glass eye, you're up. Oh, so much drier than I would have thought. Did I want it to be wet?
Captain Holt: Jake!
Jake: Right! Sorry. Just holding an eyeball in my hand.

Captain Holt: What would it take for him to intervene? Do I actually have to kill you?
Jake: No, he'd probably love that.
Captain Holt: Ugh!
Jake: But you know what he would hate? Okay, just go with me on this, all right?
Captain Holt: Ugh.
Jake: I can't stay mad at you. [Jake moves in and kisses Holt]
Sheriff Reynolds: Ooh! No! No!
Jake: Is it working?
Captain Holt: I think so.
Sheriff Reynolds: Not in my jail. No, no. Break it up! Whoa! Stop it! What are you doing?
Captain Holt: It's 2016, man. This is on you.

Sergeant Jeffords: Hey, Santiago, come with me a sec.
Amy: Why? So you can show off some new cool thing that C.J. got you? Let me guess, golden suspenders?
Sergeant Jeffords: Can you imagine? I would look amazing.

Sergeant Jeffords: Okay, so we wanted to talk to you, Captain Stentley-
Captain C.J. Jason Stentley: Uh-oh. Captain Stentley. Am I in trouble?
Sergeant Jeffords: No. You're our boss.
Captain C.J. Jason Stentley: Oh, right. Are you in trouble?