Karen Peralta: Hola. Feliz Thanksgiving. Jake told me you were Cuban.
Jake: Yes, I did, and I regret it.

Captain Holt: I went to a meeting and when I returned, my pie was gone. Which one of you took it?
Rosa: Calm down, there's no need to point fingers. At us. It was clearly Hitchcock and Scully.

Amy: Maybe we could play a game.
Jake: No. No games. My dad gets super competitive. He used to flip out on me when I beat him at Adult Clue. It was the only board game he had at his condo. All the murder weapons were sex toys.

Captain Holt: How long you been planning this? A day? A week? A year? Or is this the only reason you joined the force to begin with?
Charles: So you think I became a cop just so I can steal your pie?
Captain Holt: Your words not mine.

Charles: I was at the grocery store buying goose feet for Nikolaj's dinner.

Roger Peralta: Hey, I used to fly with Sully Sullenberger.
Camila Santiago: What he did was amazing.
Roger Peralta: Between us, I could have landed that plane on the ground at the destination without killing any of those birds.

Jake: This is a nightmare. This is worse than my sixth birthday party when I caught my dad making out with a female clown in the bounce house. Oh, my dad is the worst.

Jake: Plus, you gotta admit, your parents were being a little condescending.
Amy: Why? Because they asked what was in the dip that seemed to be just mayo?
Jake: All dip is just mayo.

Captain Holt: Diaz, if you were changing the oil in your bike for your big ride up the coast, then tell me, why is your tank only half full?
Rosa: You dipsticked my bike?
Captain Holt: That's not all I dipsticked.

Captain Holt: And, Boyle, out buying goose feet for Nickolaj?
Charles: Nikolaj.
Captain Holt: I found your grocery store receipt. No feet of any kind. But there was one purchase, a beverage that pairs perfectly with pie. One gallon of milk!

Captain Holt: This heist took three people. Lady Dipstick, Mr. Fib, and the Milk Man. The jig is up. Confess.

Rosa: Okay, I lied.
Captain Holt: Thank you.
Rosa: Not about the pie. About my Thanksgiving. I'm not spending it alone. I'm spending it with my family. We're seeing the new "Minions" musical on Broadway. And I wasn't putting oil in my bike. I was picking up these matching T-shirts for my whole family. I missed my family a lot when I was in prison and we've gotten really close again. I was embarrassed about how pumped I am to see them.
The T-shirts were my idea.

Captain Holt: My pie, and it wasn't even eaten. Just thrown away like common street trash.
Hitchcock: Makes me sick. Spend your life on the force, and it never gets easier.

Roger Peralta: She said it was a bowl. Bet you didn't know I understood Spanish.
Victor Santiago: Very impressive. You learn that from one of your mistresses?
Roger Peralta: Yeah. As a matter of fact, I did.

Victor Santiago: He needs help now! You know who this man is? Captain Roger Peralta. He taught Sully Sullenberger how to fly.