Sergeant Jeffords: Captain, Diaz sent us a list of favors she needs us to do for her. She didn't hold back. First, she wants us to move all her furniture into storage.
Captain Holt: Okay.
Sergeant Jeffords: Then file her taxes for her.
Captain Holt: Really?
Sergeant Jeffords: And then she wants us to type up and email these letters to Pimento in Argentina.
Captain Holt: Are they sexual in nature?
Sergeant Jeffords: Crazy sexual.

Sergeant Jeffords: Oh, also, she's worried about her motorcycle sitting idle, so she wants us to take it out once a day. Here.
Captain Holt: I think you should do this. You're more the biker type. I've seen you use a toothpick in public.
Sergeant Jeffords: Motorcycles are death machines. I have three kids. I'm not risking it.
Captain Holt: Are you saying my life matters less because I don't conform to society's heteronormative, child-centric ideals?
Sergeant Jeffords: Are you really playing the gay card right now?
Captain Holt: Yas, queen. *tosses keys, snaps fingers*

Rosa: Sarge, Captain. Oh, you guys brought Hitchcock.
Captain Holt: Uh, no, we just bumped into him in the lobby. We don't know why he's here.
Hitchcock: Jenny, baby! I love what prison's doing to your figure.

Sergeant Jeffords: So, how's prison?
Rosa: Nobody likes cops in here, so I had to earn their respect by starting a bunch of riots.
Got thrown in solitary for a week. What's going on with your face?
Sergeant Jeffords: I hate seeing you like this, so I'm flexing my eyes real hard to keep from crying.

Captain Holt: Pay no attention to him, Rosa. He's very emotional, Rosa.
Rosa: Why are you saying my first name?
Captain Holt: Well, Rosa, I read an article in a medical journal that said one destabilizing aspect of incarceration is the constant dehumanization, Rosa. You need to be reminded that you're more than just a number, Rosa. You are Rosa, Rosa.
Rosa: Yup, that fixes prison.

Sergeant Jeffords: Is there anything we can do to help you? Anything you need done on the outside?
Rosa: No, I'm good.
Sergeant Jeffords: It's not a problem.
Captain Holt: Rosa.
Sergeant Jeffords: We're here for you.
Captain Holt: Rosa.
Sergeant Jeffords: Whatever you need.
Captain Holt: Rosa.

Jake: The alarm went off before we could even talk.
Caleb: Aw, that's too bad, bud. But at least you have people that wanna come and visit you. My family hasn't been to see my since my trial. You eat nine people and all of the sudden they "don't know who you are anymore."
Jake: Wait, what? Did you say "eat people"? Are you a cannibal, Caleb?
Caleb: Well, that's not how I would define myself. If we're going by what I'm most passionate about, I would say that I'm a woodworker. Why did you think I was in protective custody?
Jake: I don't know, I guess I hoped you were another cop wrongly convicted of crimes you didn't commit.
Caleb: Nope, I did all my stuff and more. There's tons they can't even trace to me. The secret is eating the evidence.
Jake: Okay, this is just great. I don't see anyone from the outside for another three weeks and my only friend here is a cannibal.
Caleb: Woodworker.

Charles: You used all the touching time, Amy. I get 100% of the goodbye touching time. 100%.

Jake: So, Charles, I gotta ask: what's going on with your hair?
Charles: Well, it turned white from the stress, but I didn't want you to worry, so I dyed it back to my normal color with a splash of Batali. Do you like it?
Jake: (silence) So, how's my case going?

Amy: How are they treating you? Are you safe?
Jake: Yeah, I'm in protective custody because everyone in gen pop hates cops. I'm not really sure why. Something about us locking them in cages and letting the world pass them by.

Charles: So, it sounds like you're isolated and haven't had any chance to make new friends.
Jake: Well, my cellmate, Caleb, is okay.
Charles: Just remember he's in prison. No matter how small the crime, people don't change and don't deserve second chances.
Jake: Charles, relax. I'm not gonna replace you.

Guard: There's an incident in the yard. We're going into lockdown. Inmates, line up.
Jake: No. No, no, no, no, no. I have 50 more minutes. I need this.
Guard: Back to your cells right now.
Charles: No! My touching time.

Sergeant Jeffords: Just eating butter like a popsicle, huh, Boyle?
Charles: Yeah, I know, I'm spoiling myself, but I'm depressed. Or have you forgotten that Jake, my best friend, is in prison?
Scully: Wait, Jake's in prison?
Sergeant Jeffords: Yeah! He and Rosa were framed for a bunch of bank robberies by Lieutenant Hawkins.
Scully: Oh, right. And where's Gina?
Sergeant Jeffords: On maternity leave! We were all at her baby shower last week.
Hitchcock: Okay. And why am I bleeding?
Sergeant Jeffords: I don't know, Hitchcock.
Hitchcock: Oh, so you don't have all the answers. I'm bleeding because my piece-of-crap son-in-law bit me.

Sergeant Jeffords: Look, we all miss Jake and Rosa, which is why we have to keep working the case. There has to be some way to exonerate them.
Amy: I've been looking, but I can't find anything, and I don't know what to do.
Jake: "I can't find anything and I don't know what to do": title of your sex tape.

Charles: What is happening right now?!
Jake: They caught Hawkins trying to flee the country. She confessed to everything, and they let me out.
Amy: Oh, my God, Jake, is it really you? Are you really here?
Jake: You know it, baby. But first I gotta hug my best friend.
Charles: Yeah.
Amy: What?