Charles: This is it. My purpose is clear. I was put on this Earth to get you back in time to see your baby's birth.
Jake: I mean, you're a grown man with your own hopes and dreams.
Charles: My purpose is clear.
Jake: Okay.

Dotty: Excuse me, my apartment is on the seventh floor, and the elevator isn't working. I'm getting cold.
Jake: Well, we're headed back to our precinct. There's emergency power if you want to wait there for the lights to come back on.
Charles: I'll get in back.
Dotty: I'm Dorothy, but my friends call me Dotty. Although these days there are fewer and fewer of them.
Jake: Charles? Uh, this is great, Dotty, but we're kind of in a hurry. My wife just went into labor and I want to get there in time for the birth.
Dotty: Why? The only man in the room should be the doctor.
Jake: Okay.
Dotty: All the dad needs to do is to make the money and have a nice, thick belt for when it's time to teach him a lesson.
Russ: My dad hit me with a belt. Soon as I got big enough, I shot him.
Jake: Wow, what a fun group for this, the most important day of my life.

Rosa: We need to go to a hospital right now. I don't want a burst happening around me. It's way too gross.
Amy: I'm nowhere near giving birth. I haven't even lost my mucus plug.
Rosa: Amy, you need to get the [bleep] out of here.
Amy: I'm sorry my baby grosses you out, Rosa.
Rosa: I'm excited to meet your baby when it's clean and wearing clothes, and not blasting out of you like some half-Cuban Jimmy Neutron.

Fireman Curt: Hey Diaz, heard you guys needed help from some real heroes.
Rosa: Please. Firefighters are basically just EMTs who all live together and sleep in bunk beds.
Fireman Curt: Correction. It's a professional, multi-tiered, shared sleeping set-up.
Rosa: You're describing bunk beds. Just get the people out of the elevator.

Rosa: How's he doing?
Amy: He's perfect. I see you changed.
Rosa: Oh yeah. That other outfit had a lot of afterbirth on it. Also during-birth and pre-birth. The point is I burned it.
Amy: Thanks for staying by my side. I know it wasn't easy for you.
Rosa: It was worth it. I'm Auntie Ro-Ro.
Charles: She gets to be Ro-Ro? Incredible. I've thrown seven years away for this.

Fireman Curt: Don't worry, fire department's on the job.
Captain Holt: Hear that, Jeffords? We're gonna die in here. We're marked for death!

Amy: Captain, Lieutenant, the dance was great, and it really helped, thank you.
Jake: Dance? What dance?
Captain Holt: She doesn't know what she's talking about. Mommy brain much?
Sergeant Jeffords: Captain Holt and I did a hip-hop dance routine.
Jake: Oh. I see. You know what? I don't even care that I missed it, because right now, I am holding my son, and there's nothing more important in the world than that.
Rosa: I have a video, if you wanna see it.
Jake: Amy, hold this baby. Rosa, give me that phone. Give me that phone. Everyone wash your hands.

Rosa: They're happening every five minutes and they're lasting 20 seconds. Your baby's coming.
Amy: It's still not active labor. Don't worry! I'm not gonna have the baby here and get placenta all over your desk or whatever it is that you're afraid of.
Rosa: Wait, is placenta something that can get all over?
Amy: Actually, technically...
Rosa: You know what, don't answer that, I don't wanna know.

Amy: We should have all ambulances on call. I want an open line of communication with DOT, and I want someone from the DA down here so we don't get cases thrown out. I need a pair of sweatpants, and check again on that status update from ESU. All right, go go go!
Rosa: What do you need the sweatpants for?
Amy: My water just broke, which reminds me, we should be prepared to distribute emergency water and food.
Rosa: Your water just broke?!

Jake: Yeah, they're trapped in there.
Rosa: Oh no, that means we have to call the fire department. [gags]
Jake: Or, hear me out, we leave them in there forever, and move on emotionally.

Amy: So, only Captain Holt or Terry can initiate actual blackout protocol, but I don't see them anywhere.
Jake: Guys? Where did our dads go?

Captain Holt: That's everything, but before we go home, but quick reminder that today is Sergeant Santiago's last day before maternity leave. [applause] We'll see you in three months.
Scully: She gets three months off? Can I take a maternity leave?
Jake: Are you giving birth to a baby?
Scully: I'm having a seven pound mass removed from my abdomen next week. [all groan]
Jake: Yeah, never ask Scully questions. That's on me, guys!

Jake: What happened?
Russ: She shot me! She shot me in the leg.
Dotty: You made a sudden motion.
Russ: I sneezed!
Jake: Okay, Dotty, what do you have a gun for?
Dotty: To protect myself. Cops are all wimps now. [mockingly] My wife is having a baby and I have to be there to brush her hair.
Jake: I wasn't gonna brush her hair.
Charles: You weren't?

Charles: I can't see anything.
Jake: Me neither. We'll just have to rely on our other senses.
Charles: I call smell.
Jake: Okay, really jumped on that one. I wasn't gonna fight you for smell. I figured we'd just listen for sounds.
Charles: Pfft, good luck with that. [sniffs] Hmm. [sniffs] Yeah. [sniffs] Mm-hmm.
Jake: Okay.
Charles: How's it going over there? You hearing anything?
Jake: Yeah, I'm hearing you and your creepy sniffs.
Charles: Really? Well I'm smelling a lot of jealousy coming from your direction.
Jake: Sound to the left.
Charles: Smell to the left. [crashing sound]
Jake: NYPD, hands up.
Charles: [sniffs] Oh, yeah. We got him!
Jake: Charles.

Sergeant Jeffords: What is with you?
Captain Holt: I'm sorry. This is a nightmare of mine. I have a phobia of elevators. It stems from a traumatic experience I had as a child.
[flashback:]
Young Holt: They only perform rated-load testing on city elevators every five years? Oh, my.
[present:]
Captain Holt: That was the last time I read the municipal code before bed. But... the damage was done.