Jake: Guys, guys, guys. Three-hour delay with no Holt or Terry? Do you have any idea what this means?
Charles: Makeovers.
Jake: No, Charles. The Jimmy Jab Games!
All: Yeah!
Jake: The first Jimmy Jabs were held in 2008, when the King of Iraq-
Rosa: President, Iran.
Jake: Armen Jimmy Jab.
Rosa: Ahmadinejad.
Jake: Came to New York, and were on call for nine glorious hours in case there were protests. On that day, a young genius named Jake Peralta used the last piece of his bagel to create the first Jimmy Jab event.

Jake: As soon as Holt and Terry leave, we will commence with Jimmy Jab Seven, Circus of Fools. Jimmy Jabs...
All: [chanting] Jimmy Jabs. Jimmy Jabs. Jimmy Jabs. Jimmy Jabs! Jimmy Jabs! Jimmy Jabs!

Jake: Let the games begin!

Jake: Welcome to the Jimmy jabs. We play for pride. We play for the phone numbers of Rosa's friends. But most importantly, we play to watch Amy lose.
Amy: Nope. This is my year.
Hitchcock: It's my year too.
Amy: Please don't align yourself with me.
Jake: Why not? Neither of you have ever come close to winning. You're exactly the same, just a couple of Santiagos.

Gina: Okay, guys, as usual, the loser of each event is eliminated from the games. The winner gets a bonus in the final round. Our first event is "The mouthathon." In front of you is month-old Chinese food from the fridge. Go ahead and eat as much as you can stomach. On your mark, get set, Wahlberg!

Madeline Wuntch: Stay seated. We can do this out here, since you've already made yourselves comfortable. Sergeant Jeffords, why don't you just lie down?
Sergeant Jeffords: I can't sit any straighter than this.

Madeline Wuntch: This paperwork is a mess. A semicolon that should clearly be a full colon? Was this prepared by a recent immigrant?
Sergeant Jeffords: It's just one typo.
Madeline Wuntch: It's gibberish. Request denied.

Hitchcock: There's one thing I want, and it's not that big. I just want you to make me cool in everyone's eyes.
Charles: Not that big?

Gina: The Jimmy jabs has claimed its first victims. Boyle, you made no impact. Also, Detective Scully has withdrawn due to food poisoning, which I think we all saw coming.

Jake: Sure hope I don't sprain my arm during the face, 'cause I'm gonna be opening up a lot of doors for Katie on our date. Oh, yeah, I'm gonna be a gentleman.
Rosa: What are you doing, Jake?
Jake: Trash talking you, while simultaneously proving that I will be respectful of your friend. It's a tough line to walk. Gotta loosen up my flower-buying fingers. I'm gonna go nuts on the daisies.

Gina: On your marks, get set, Ruffalo!

Gina: Jake will go first, then Amy, then Rosa. On your mark, get set, Paul Gosselaar!

Charles: Please let me have the tape.
Hitchcock: No dice.
Charles: I don't know how to make you cool. I'm not even that cool myself. I mean, sure, I have a pizza stone.
Hitchcock: You have cool friends. Like Jake. I just wanna be part of a conversation where Jake uses my name and nobody insults me.
Charles: Damn it! You ask too much.

Amy: He's kicking so much. You wanna feel? No! That's a bad idea! Oh, my baby! It's on the side!

Amy: I can't believe I lost again! I was so psyched up for this. What happened?
Jake: Well maybe being so psyched up is what happened. Like every time we're doing police work, you're always super-smart and you stay calm and take your time, but every time we do dumb games like this, you get all frantic and act like a crazy idiot. My advice: Next time, don't act like a crazy idiot.
Amy: Thanks. That's surprisingly insightful.
Jake: Yeah, well, motherhood Really opens a man's eyes. I finally feel as if I'm part of something bigger than myself.
Amy: All right.
Jake: Too much?