Jake: Hello, sir. How was your walk?
Captain Holt: Long and brisk.
Jake: Wonderful. You left me in the car, took the keys with you. It's still there. Doesn't matter.

Captain Holt: Laverne Kinnebrew Holt, you're under arrest for obstruction of justice.
Both: What?
Captain Holt: I know you're sleeping with George.
Jake: Oh, come on, man.
Laverne Holt: Raymond, I can tell that you're upset.
Captain Holt: I am because you withheld information from this detective about an ongoing police investigation.
Jake: All right, I don't think this is actually about police stuff. Maybe we should all just take a deep breath and consider not arresting our moms.
Captain Holt: Fine. You're unarrested, mother. And Detective Peralta, since you two are such good friends, why don't you handle the case on your own? Good day.

Rosa: Captain. Hey. What is going on in the kitchen? It's insanely packed.
Sergeant Jeffords: They're all just taking a break. Why is nobody breaking in the new break room?
Hitchcock: 'Cause it's a giant turd.
Scully: It's the worst. It's unusable. You guys don't even like it.

Amy: Then one day on the way to math camp-
Gina: Oh, sad.
Amy: Our tire blew out, and my mother made me fix it. She said I should never be dependent on anyone for anything. And neither should you. So we're not gonna leave here until you learn how to fix this. Oh!
Gina: Oh, damn. Power play. And very moving speech.
Amy: Thank you.
Gina: One little thing though. That's not my car. That's my car. Same make, same model, but you just slashed a random stranger's tire. Oopsie!

Jake: Oh, God, oh, God, oh, God, oh, God. Ah, hey, Captain. Whoa, look at that map work. Sick as heck.
Captain Holt: Oh an attempt at flattery. Well, it won't work. This was Boyle's map, and it was adequate at best.

Amy: Once again, I am so sorry about your tire. Just accidentally slashed it with my knife.
Woman: How does that happen accidentally?
Amy: It's very common. I should know, I'm a cop. Anyway, I will pay for the damage.
Woman: Wait, what's happening? My tire is fine.
Amy: It is? It is! Of course it is. Because this is all part of my prank show, "Fake Tire Slashers." Whoo! And you have won $27. And a dime. There's cameras everywhere. Okay. Thank you.

Gina: Wondering what happened? I happened. Out of the darkness, a hero emerges.
You know, using only my bare hands and also a few tools I replaced that plebe's flat with one of my tires.
Amy: You changed a tire! You were listening to me.
Gina: Not at all. I watched a video online on how to do it. But I will give you this, it was really empowering.
Amy: Right? And you did such an impressive job, especially for your first time.
Gina: Oh, no, I had a bunch of practice. I actually used your car for that. Thank you so much.
Amy: Oh. You still changed a tire. Counting this as a win.

Charles: Okay, you're right about the break room.
Hitchcock: Nuh doy.
Sergeant Jeffords: Nobody liked it, and it wasn't functional.
Scully: Double nuh doy.

Hitchcock: Wait a minute, you liars! What's that nice couch doing here?
Sergeant Jeffords: The old couch didn't make it.
Rosa: The second the sunlight hit it, it turned to dust.
Charles: Sorry, guys, we're stuck with the nice, clean expensive sofa. But I guess we'll just have to make do.
Scully: Oh, we'll make do. We'll make do all over it.

Rosa: We're sorry our signals got crossed. This is everything we have on Ocampo.
Jake: Yeah, we've been on his tail for a while. We know everything about him, all the way down to his favorite fro-yo flavor Monkeyberry Marshmallow Blaster.

Rosa: Look, none of this matters if we don't find Ocampo. Let's just do our jobs, and Hawkins will do whatever she's gonna do. Doesn't have to be a competition, right?
Jake: Right. Right?
Rosa: Right. Right?
Jake: Right.
Both: Right.

Lieutenant Melanie Hawkins: So what's our next move? How do we find this guy?
Rosa: I say we tap his brother's phone. They're tight. He'll definitely call.
Lieutenant Melanie Hawkins: Jake, you agree?
Jake: Yes, I think that's a great idea. Fully support that. Totally love it. The one thing I will say, though, is, it could take us a while to get a warrant. And we know he's hard up for cash, and we also know that's his primary buyer, so we could see what this guy knows.
Lieutenant Melanie Hawkins: Both smart suggestions. I say we do ... Peralta's.
Jake: Yes. [fake groan] Sorry, it's muscle spasm.
Rosa: Whatever.

Charles: Sarge, Hitchcock and Scully are out of control. They got into a fight over the ranch dressing, and now it's everywhere.

Sergeant Jeffords: You two, up now! I'm taking away the thing you love most in the world. Sitting. You'll get your chairs back when you apologize to each other.

Rosa: Maybe we should take our bikes.
Jake: Cool idea, but is it the best move tactically?
Lieutenant Melanie Hawkins: Yes, it is. That way, we can slip through traffic.
Jake: Totally. However, as mentioned, my hog is up in the torque shop, just getting torqued up the hog, so we should probably just share one car over there.
Rosa: Ah, I bet you Floppy Foot will loan you his bike.
Jake: And yet, I don't want to inconvenience Floppy Foot.
Lieutenant Melanie Hawkins: Sure he wouldn't mind.
Jake: Right. Even so, it's not like we have his keys. Uh, look at that.
Lieutenant Melanie Hawkins: Let's go.
Jake: You found them. That's fun. I can't wait to drive this motorcycle that I definitely know how to drive.