Jake: I'm so wound up! I can't focus!
Gina: Oh, are you flipping out about Tiandra getting kicked off "So You Think You Can Dance"?
Jake: Definitely not.
Gina: Well, you should be. Her Nay Nay was nonpareil.

Rosa: How's it going? Ah, I noticed your pupils have stopped pulsating.
Jake: Yeah, because I found the perfect antidote to your little prank. Sure, caffeine speeds you up, but half-and-half slows you down. Ah, dairy. You made one fatal mistake. You forgot how gross I am.

Jake: Oh, the half-and-half just met the gasoline. They're not mixing well.

Jake: Hey. Before we take Ocampo over to the Slaughterhouse, I just wanted to make sure you were okay, 'cause you are sharpening that knife very intensely.
Rosa: Makes me feel better.

Jake: I'm the same way with "MAD" magazine and "Cracked" magazine.Ah, they're both so good. Tough to pick. I mean, "MAD" is the original, but "Cracked", they've always got a take.

Jake: Wait a minute. Are we hugging? Have we ever done this before?
Rosa: No, and if you tell anyone, I'll slit your throat.

Rosa: Thank you so much, Jake.
Jake: Please. I'm just glad you finally get to work for a woman as badass as you are. And as a man, I'd like to apologize for my gender's history-
Rosa: Don't ruin it.
Jake: Okay.

Jake: Morning, Lieutenant Hawkins. Hey, have you ever considered going by Lady Hawk? Pretty sweet flick. Matty Broderick, Shelly Pfeiffer, Alf Molina. Not to be confused with Alf, Alf. We all love him.

Paxton: Lieutenant, the manager of the Capital Trust Bank in Fort Greene is here.
Lieutenant Melanie Hawkins: Oh, yeah.
Rosa: Was that bank even hit?
Paxton: We brought him in because we think it might be the next target.
Rosa: Is that standard procedure?
Paxton: You ask a lot of questions.
Jake: She really doesn't. One time I broke my arm, and she didn't even ask me what happened, and it was a really funny story. [chuckles] Wow, now nobody's asking what happened? This is insane.

Sergeant Jeffords: We don't think you're pregnant. Sharon's pregnant. Uh, that's not true. God, I hope it's not true. What if Sharon's pregnant?

Charles: Okay, fine, but you have to tell us everything. How do you feel? When are you due? Oh, my God, I don't even know who the father is. Who's the father?
Gina: Who's the father? Well, let's just say he's a destroyer of worlds, and I am his moon and stars.
Charles: Amazing. I still need his name, phone number, and shirt size. I have a fun group Halloween costume idea. I won't tell you what it is. It's "Three Men and a Baby." You're Guttenberg.

Gina: Uh, you guys, I would love to stay and chat about my unborn king or queen, but I just got a text from redacted, and he wants to take me to a fancy lunch at redacted, so I gotta get outta here, but you know what? I'll be back at redacted o'clock.

Rosa: Guess we're all a little clumsy.
Jake: Yes, indeed. I stepped on my omelet this morning. Not pertinent, let's continue with our covert conversation.

Lieutenant Melanie Hawkins: You know, a bunch of us are going out drinking tonight. You wanna come?
Jake: You know it. But I should probably warn you, me and Rosa go pretty hard.
Lieutenant Melanie Hawkins: Great. Bring some coke.
Jake: Oh, so you mean, hard, hard. Okay, sweet. Sweet, sweet, sweet, sweet, sweet, sweet, sweet, sweet, sweet, sweet, sweet. Cocaine. Coc-a-ina.
Rosa: No.
Jake: No?

Charles: Admit it, Gina. There was no celebrity. There was no fancy lunch at redacted.
Gina: Well, that's strange because I remember eating lobster-fed beef. It's the best kind. The cows live by the sea and they eat only lobster.