Amy: Do you guys think all that radiation is bad for him?
Jake: I'm sure he'll be fine.
Captain Holt: He's lived a long life already.

Captain Holt: So, since Peralta altered the cummerbund, no one really won the heist this year. Is that what everyone's thinking?
Sergeant Jeffords: Captain!
Captain Holt: Right, right, sorry. Not the time. I'm so happy for you both. Technically, there was no winner. Continue.

Captain Holt: Perhaps I should see for myself.
Jake: Oh, do you play?
Captain Holt: I am ... A'ight.

Captain Holt: Any poopers?
Sergeant Jeffords: All clear.

Sergeant Jeffords: What happened to not wanting to gamble anymore for Kevin?
Jake: Sir, you are spiraling. You lied straight to our faces.
Captain Holt: Well, that's on you. If you could spot my tell, you would've known.
Jake: Fine. What's your tell?
Captain Holt: Let's just say, I'm doing it right now. I'm doing it at this very moment.
Jake: Is it standing up?
Captain Holt: I've just done it again. Whoops, there's another time.

Captain Holt: There was a pooper.

Captain Holt: The actual suspect is Jesse Gurmwald, a disgruntled civilian admin who was recently fired by the mounted unit. He's gone to ground, but detectives throughout the city are checking every possible hideout. Diaz, Charles: here's a list of locations in our precinct. Be thorough.
Charles: Yes, sir. And just to be clear, if I went missing, you guys would conduct an equally thorough search, right?
Captain Holt: You should get going.

Captain Holt: Well, if that's true, then you won't mind walking across the bullpen without saying hello to anybody.
Sergeant Jeffords: [scoffs] No problem.
Captain Holt: No nods allowed.

Jake: Oh, man, you really went to town on these cheese puffs.
Captain Holt: Well, they're 80% air, which is something your body needs.

Captain Holt: I will not be using a loophole, Peralta. As always, I'll be using the main hole or no hole. I choose no hole.
Charles: You just said "hole" way too much, sir.
Jake: And that's coming from Charles.
Captain Holt: Yes, that's concerning.

Jake: But secondly, in "The Godfather," Don Corleone had three sons: Michael, his favorite-
Charles: Diane Keaton's husband.
Jake: Mm-kay. Then there was Sonny, the hothead.
Charles: Diane Keaton's brother-in-law.
Jake: Charles, you're being distracting.
Captain Holt: No, he's not, he's actually helping me to follow this. Continue going through Diane Keaton's relatives.

Captain Holt: You asked me for a permit, and I got it. I've paid my debt. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have a bowl of mush to enjoy.

Jake: Wait, I'm confused how did you even know we were here? Oh, my God, you sewed a tracker into my neck, didn't you?
Captain Holt: Don't be stupid. The trackers are in your shoes, underwear, and wallet. I also braided one into your hair.
Jake: [gasps] In my tangle?

Captain Holt: Peralta, do you know what I miss most about being a detective? A good interrogation. Breaking suspects down. Talking quietly and then talking real loud. Looking away and then looking right in their eyes. Leaning.
Jake: That was amazing.

Gina: Wow, the competition looks even older in person. What do you think these dinosaurs are talking about? Where to find "Matlock" reruns?
Captain Holt: Be professional, Gina. Like the homecare nurses who will tuck them into bed tonight.