Scully: So, what's this about a giant flan?

Scully: Wait, why are you sweating?
Captain Holt: I'm not sweating.
Scully: No, I've had enough heart attacks to know what sweating looks like, and that's sweat.

Rosa: Sarge asked me to help you guys with some filing. Holy crap, this is gonna take all day.
Hitchcock: Yup, it's what we call an all-dayer.
Rosa: How long did it take you two to come up with that?
Scully: That was a two-dayer.

Captain Holt: Boyle's not in the interrogation room.
Amy: He couldn't have gotten far. He can't see.
Scully: You can go a long way on muscle memory alone. One time, I sleepwalked to the M&M's store in Times Square.

Scully: Do you know Anne Heche?
Rosa: I do.
Scully: Ohh.

Amy: We're piecing together shredded documents to find Seamus Murphy.
Scully: Can I help? I'm really good at jigsaw puzzles. I do them all the time. It's why my wrist muscles are so defined.

Rosa: Whoa, is this a new detective car?
Sergeant Jeffords: It sure is, I put in the paperwork 18 months ago, and got lucky. They fast tracked it! Say hello to the Nine-Nine's brand new, fully loaded, sweet-as-hell crime-crusher on wheels!
Rosa: Holy crap, it has a heads-up display with built-in license plate reader.
Scully: Who cares. It's got two burrito holders.
Rosa: Those are cup holders, Scully.
Scully: Oh yeah? Then what am I supposed to use my thighs for, genius?

Scully: Couch. Space heater. We soundproof for maximum privacy. And there's sodas and candy in the mini fridge.
Sergeant Jeffords: This room's a little small.
Scully: We had a big nap room, and you gave it to Gina to pump breast milk in, remember?!
Sergeant Jeffords: Sorry, Scully.
Scully: You tell anyone about this place, I will burn your life to the ground. Oh, and there's a spray if you fart.

Jake: We're actually gonna get these gift bags to the venue before they close. Thank you, Terry.
Sergeant Jeffords: Don't thank me. Hitchcock and Scully did more than I did.
Jake: Yeah, but you had to hold your hand near their mouth when you fed them those almonds.
Scully: And that's scary. We're like snapping turtles.

Captain C.J. Jason Stentley: Hey, guys. I'm Captain Stentley. Ah, yuck, that sounds so formal. Um Captain Jason. No. Call me C.J. Okay, so that's all I got, unless you guys have any questions.
Rosa: Yeah, you wearing sweat pants?
Captain C.J. Jason Stentley: No. Oh, yes. [laughs] Yes, I am. I, um, had some hot cocoa this morning, and I totally biffed it.
Scully: I like this guy.

Amy: How are the chairs coming, guys?
Hitchcock: Shh. We're working!
Scully: This one's good.
Amy: Okay. So we'll go with that one?
Scully: No, I said it was good. I didn't say it was right.
Amy: Wow, you're taking this really seriously.

Amy: Wow. The chairs look amazing. I can't believe you two aren't my biggest problem today.
Hitchcock: We're not? Who is?
[off-screen] Captain Holt: My arch. Isn't she beautiful?
*Amy rolls her eyes*
Scully: I got eye-rolled to, not about!

Rosa: Sarge, this must bother you too.
Sergeant Jeffords: Yeah, but eating a big drumstick on Thanksgiving makes Terry feel like a king.
Amy: Sorry, but it's five against two.
Scully: Wait, you assume Hitchcock and I want to eat that turkey?
Amy: Yeah?
Scully: Thank you.

Jake: I'm going to get us that case. Terry's gonna meet his hero.
Scully: Oh, no, never meet your heroes. [whispering] Marie Callender was a real bitch.

Woman: (SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE)
Captain Holt: It really sounds Slavic. Does anyone here know any Slavic languages?
Hitchcock: Oh, I'm great at languages. Watch this. (YELLING) Hello! I am Hitchcock!
Scully: (YELLING) Thank you for the cookie-pizza idea!