Sergeant Jeffords: So what's the plan?
Scully: We stick with Operation Beans. We knock on the front door. I say I'm Tex Dallas.
You're my buddy, Alamo, and you're Black Fred.
Sergeant Jeffords: Black Fred? Why Black Fred? There's no other Fred!
Scully: Yeah, but they don't know that.

Sergeant Jeffords: I swear, if they mess up this case, Jake, it's on you.
Jake: They're detectives. They've been on the force for 500 years. They know what they're doing.
Sergeant Jeffords: The only item on Scully's calendar for the entire year is "eat peanut butter."
Jake: Yeah, we got to find them.

Amy: Maybe you hurt Veronica's feelings without meaning to?
Sergeant Jeffords: Nope. I planned the perfect breakup. We got dinner at a mid-range restaurant nice enough to show I care, but not so nice she thought a proposal was coming. I even got her a classy breakup present, plus a gift receipt, in case she wanted to exchange it. And I said just the right words.
[cut to:]
Sergeant Jeffords: You deserve the world. You deserve someone that can make you happy and it is the greatest displeasure of my life that I cannot be that man.
Veronica Hopkins: Thank you, Terrence.
(CROWD CHEERS AND APPLAUDS)

Sergeant Jeffords: Can't you just let him off with a warning? Sometimes, being as tough as possible doesn't lead to the best outcome.
Rosa: This isn't Cagney calling Lacey a poopy-head. I'm not just gonna give him a time-out.
Sergeant Jeffords: Time-out? Are you kidding? "Poopy-head" means no "Doc McStuffins" for a week! Terry hates bathroom talk.

Adrian Pimento: I'd also like to make a toast.
Sergeant Jeffords: Easy on the dings, man. One ding'll do.

Jake: Hey, were you followed?
Sergeant Jeffords: Nope. I promise, they have no idea I'm working with you.
[flashback:]
Charles: Terry, have you seen Jake?
Sergeant Jeffords: Uh, no. That idiot's probably off working his dumb plan. He's so stupid. You know, the only reason Holt and I haven't fired him is that we're worried that he'll kill himself.
[present:]
Jake: Seems a little excessive.
Sergeant Jeffords: I told you. I don't wanna be tied to this plan. Look, I'm out on a ledge for you, and Terry hates ledges.
Jake: Wait, so you love hedges but hate ledges? You're just making this up as you go.
Sergeant Jeffords: No, I'm not. Name one time you've ever seen me happy out on a ledge.
Jake: I can't think of an example on the spot...
Sergeant Jeffords: Because Terry hates ledges.

Sergeant Jeffords: He said if we disobey him, there'll be tire consequences. I think he meant dire. Guy's real dumb.

Sergeant Jeffords: Oh, no, I left it in the car! It's not my fault. The driver was so hot. Not for me, for Rosa. She was clearly flirting with her. Oh, I know, I'll just call the company and bring her back here. And then who knows what'll happen?
Rosa: Wait a minute, did you do this intentionally so I'd have to see that girl again?
Sergeant Jeffords: No! That's crazy. This is Jake and Amy's wedding. I would never do that. But you gotta admit, it does seem like the universe is pushing you two together.
Rosa: Terry!

Sergeant Jeffords: Amy, you are ready to be teaching others.
I made a call. You're going to be a mentor.
Amy: Oh my God. Sergeant, I'm so sorry for ever questioning your integrity. Thank you so much-
Sergeant Jeffords: No, no, no, stand back. Look, I'm still very scared of you.

Gina: The only difference between you and Holt is that he lacks the strength to close a door so hard a room blows up.
Sergeant Jeffords: Thanks, Gina.
Gina: Ah, you don't have to thank me. All I did was be the only person who believes in you.
Sergeant Jeffords: Don't lean against the door. Terry caused structural damage.
Gina: My God, you're strong.

Charles: Relax. It's not the first turkey I've killed in a friend's bathtub.
Sergeant Jeffords: It isn't?

Jake: Before you get mad-
Sergeant Jeffords: Shut it! Holt was right. I've been so worried about my own kids, I forgot about my stupid grown-up kids.
Jake: That's insulting.
Sergeant Jeffords: I should've been on you guys more. And starting now, I will be. But if you ever do this again, I swear I will crush your head in one hand.
Jake: You don't mean that.
Sergeant Jeffords: Try me.

Sergeant Jeffords: I know it's crowded in there and they're not very considerate guests and they took my mouse and then they took my keyboard and then they took the whole computer. And when I had nothing else to give, they came for my yogurt. No, not just any yogurt. Full fat Greek with a touch of honey. That's a once a week treat!

Sergeant Jeffords: So, if we're gonna start a secret office on the roof, we need equipment. That means chairs, desks, printers, pens. But we gotta sneak it out, so we need a distraction.
Amy: Okay, here is what I'm thinking. We give that dog a bunch of chocolates. It dies.
While everyone celebrates-
Sergeant Jeffords: Okay, Amy's too close to this.

Sergeant Jeffords: Now, be respectful and grieve your asses off.
Scully: I don't know why this is happening.
Sergeant Jeffords: Scully, I love it. Everyone follow his lead!