Gina: Oh! And maybe your co-workers would like to know what happened on your 7th grade field trip to D.C.
Devin Cathertaur: You monster.
Gina: He pooped in the Reflecting Pool.

Jake: Hey, so, I ran after you last night, but I lost you in the subway.
Rosa: I took a cab home.
Jake: Really? Well, then, I definitely terrified some random lady.

Captain Holt: This isn't one of your movie plans, is it?
Jake: First of all, if we had developed a "Minority Report" style pre-crime division like I suggested, we wouldn't be in this Seamus mess, and it's not just because I wanted to go like this, although I did.

Rosa: Who's this lady we're meeting?
Amy: The source, Florence Tinj. She ran the rules and regs department for 30 years. She wrote the forms. She has touched every life in this city.
Rosa: Not mine.
Amy: Yeah-huh. Haven't you ever filled out a mileage reimbursement form?
Rosa: No, dude, I make you do those for me.
Amy: Right, I'm so grateful to you for that.

Amy: Anyway, she's the only person that can figure this out. She understands the bureaucracy on a level that we mortals can't even fathom.

Rosa: Ok, why are you barefoot?
Amy: I'm violating uniform conduct code 773 because the rules are pointless because they were written by a hoarder who doesn't care.
Scully: Same here. Fight the power.

Rosa: Look, the fact that these forms are broken is a good thing. It means there are many mistakes.
Amy: Mistakes we can exploit.
Rosa: That's right. This is every form SAPO has put out for 100 years. We have to read every single one and look for miniscule mistakes that will help us get that permit. So you ready for a kick-ass assignment?
Amy: Hell yeah.

Sergeant Jeffords: Where were you?
Gina: Uh, just so we're on the same page, how long have you been here, i.e. how elaborate does my lie need to be?
Sergeant Jeffords: An hour.
Gina: Okay. The CIA contacted me, and there's some-

Jake: So we did it.
Scully: I can't believe it's all wrapped up.
Jake: Do you even know what we did?
Scully: No. Just feeling out how close we were to calling it a day.
Jake: Soon, Scully.

Rosa: I don't understand. Why can't we just put Kevin into WITSEC?
Sergeant Jeffords: The Murphys have killed three witnesses in federal protection. Captain doesn't wanna risk it. We'll take shifts staying with Kevin.
Jake: No, it should just be me. Look, it's my fault that Murphy's after Kevin. Captain Holt bailed me out, and now it's my turn to bail him out. Plus we've got this whole tit for tat thing going, and it's my time to tit. It's my tit turn.
My time to tit is today, Terry.

Captain Holt: Say good-bye to the outside world. You're in the safe house now, so I'll need your phone.
Jake: Why?
Captain Holt: Internet, cellular signals. They're too easy to trace.
Jake: Seriously, no phone? What am I supposed to do to pass the time?
Captain Holt: You could learn a foreign language.
Jake: Go to hell.

Jake: Okay, I think you're actually going to like this one. Nic Cage is a chemist-
Kevin: Interesting, keep going.
Jake: Who has to break into Alcatraz-
Kevin: Absolutely not! Are there no other actors?

Jake: Hello, Captain.
Captain Holt: And you're both dead. You didn't ask for the password. What if I were an assassin wearing a hyper-realistic latex mask?

Jake: Oh, yes, people. Actual real people that aren't Kevin. Hi, I want to touch you.
Amy: Babe, you're being weird.
Jake: Right, sorry. I forgot how to be human.

Scully: Oh no, I sat in another pie.
Jake: Damn it! Next time, sit on a pie when we can enjoy it, Scully.