Sergeant Jeffords: Diaz, the mission is yours.
Rosa: Great. I love strangers touching my head.
Sergeant Jeffords: Sorry, you don't have a choice.

Captain Holt: While Murphy is at large, he's still a threat.
Kevin: So I'm going to be stuck here forever, following these over-the-top security precautions?
Captain Holt: No.
Kevin: Thank God.
Captain Holt: The security procedures are about to become much more over-the-top. Say good-bye to your one hour of open window time.

Captain Holt: Good oranges, nice and dry. Not at all ripe.
Kevin: Fascinating. My orange is beginning to rot. That happens when you leave an orange sitting around for too long and refuse to even let that orange go to a library for two hours so it can feel like a real orange again.
Captain Holt: You know what really causes an orange to go bad? Getting shot. Have you seen what a bullet does to an orange?

Jake: I shot a watermelon once. It's exactly what you want it to be.

Sergeant Jeffords: Bam! Solid match. Okay, I've got three words. I've got an "and", I've got an "an" and a "he". Now, the "he" could be a part of a "the" or the end of "Apache". I don't know why, but I'm getting a strong "Apache" vibe.

Sergeant Jeffords: Amy? Amy? Amy, where'd you go?
Amy: Down here. I let the pile take me.

Hitchcock: Ooh, are you guys building a nap nest? Mind if we burrow?
Amy: No!

Jake: This is great. There's nobody here. Everyone cleared out as soon as we got here. Even that actual pervert was creeped out by us.

Jake: No offense, but it feels so good to breathe air that didn't come out of your mouth.
Kevin: None taken.

Captain Holt: Where is Kevin?
Jake: Don't worry, he's safe. Look, Captain, I just want to say that I'm sorry.
Captain Holt: You should be. You should have abided by my security rules.
Jake: You're right. But I want you to know, I didn't take Kevin to the library because I was stir-crazy. It was because I didn't want you guys to get divorced.
Captain Holt: How is that any concern of yours?
Jake: I don't know, I just I've been around so many failed marriages in my life.
You know, first my mom and my dad, then Charles and Eleanor, Hitchcock and Brandi, Hitchcock and Francine, Hitchcock and Brandi again, Hitchcock and Madison-
Captain Holt: Madison wasn't his daughter? But he dropped her off at college last fall.
Jake: I know, it was really gross. But the point is, I just couldn't stand to see you two fall apart.

Captain Holt: Perhaps I should have been more understanding of what Kevin was going through. I may die here tonight, and his last memory of me will be how miserable I made him.

Captain Holt: It's over now. He can't hurt me or Kevin. Thank you, for titting my tat.
Jake: Well, thank you for tatting my tit.

Jake: That's it. These two oranges are going to the library! Damn it, peeling out, it was right there!

Rosa: I don't understand. Why isn't ESU handling this?
Sergeant Jeffords: Apparently, the hostage-taker asked for Jake by name.
Jake: Oh, yes, it's getting even cooler. Oh, man, I wonder who it is. Ooh! Maybe it's the brother of someone I put away for life. Ooh! Or the identical twin of someone I put away for life. Ooh! Or the fraternal twin of-
Sergeant Jeffords: Jake! Just get down there! Take Diaz with you.
Jake: Yep. Yep, yep, yep. How do I look? It doesn't matter. Let's go negotiate!

Jake: You wanted to talk to me?
Doug Judy: Keep those hands in the air. And wave 'em like you just don't care.
Jake: What?
Doug Judy: I'm just messing with you, Peralta. Put your hands down, give me a hug, baby.
Jake: Judy!