Gina: The English language can not fully capture the depth and complexity of my thoughts. So I'm incorporating Emoji into my speech to better express myself. Winky face.

Sergeant Jeffords: What are you doing, Peralta?! You just blew my cover!
Jake: Or did I save your life?
Sergeant Jeffords: Or did you compromise an investigation and piss off a superior officer?!
Jake: I'm sensing from your tone it's that one.

Captain Holt: I threw away the photo because I think it's ostentatious to hang pictures of yourself, especially when you haven't earned a place on the wall.
Amy: Oh.
Captain Holt: But you would have me hang a Baroque oil painting of myself like I'm a North Korean dictator. What, no ornate gold frame? Why am I not astride my noble steed, clad in armor?
Amy: We could add a horse.

Sergeant Jeffords: You look chipper, Captain. Fun weekend?
Captain Holt: There was a small fire in my home. I lost many photo albums of treasured memories. I'm devastated.

Gina: It's so addictive, right? I play so much that when I close my eyes at night, I just see cupcakes instead of my normal dizzying array of flashing lights.

Gina: You should make me your campaign manager. I was born for politics. I have great hair and I love lying.

Jake: I'm gonna make a great dad.
Amy: Not even going to touch that.
Jake: The Amy Santiago story.

Sergeant Jeffords: Baby, I've got some bad news. Someone painted a giant penis on our minivan. No, you can not have an SUV now. Those things roll, baby, they roll!

Jake: I don't slump, people. I opposite of slump. I pmuls. That's slump backwards and it's what I do. I pmuls all over this bitch.

Jake: So, hit me. How much do I have to cut back to keep this place?
Gina: Infinity percent.
Technically speaking, you're bankrupt, kiddo.
Jake: That sounds bad.
Gina: It is bad. I only said "kiddo" to soften the blow, kiddo.

Jake: Captain, hey! Welcome to the murder.

Amy: It'll cheer the captain up. He'll be over the moon. He may even lean back in his chair and nod slightly.

Captain Holt: Sergeant, you were in the 1-8 with me. Though you were significantly-
Sergeant Jeffords: Fatter, sir. They called me Terry Titties. Because I had large-
Captain Holt: Titties. Yes, I remember. I never liked that nickname. Though, to be fair, it was accurate.

Sergeant Jeffords: He makes me feel so small!
Captain Holt: Well, who cares what he thinks? You're a police sergeant! You're a grown man!
Now take your nap. And if I see the lights on in here, I'm going to be very disappointed in you.

Jake: All right, we're doing this. Let's play wife or dog. Hey, so, Scully, what do you do at the park with Kelly?
Scully: Oh, we just walk around. She gets antsy if she doesn't get outside enough. Then it's just yap, yap, yap, yap, all day long.
Charles: Hey, what's Kelly's favorite food?
Scully: Peanut butter. She'll eat it right out of the jar.
Sergeant Jeffords: How old is Kelly again?
Scully: Well, she's getting up there, but she's pretty sprightly for her age. Especially considering she got hit by that car a year ago.
Jake: Ah, that's so awful. Was she chasing something into the street or..?
Scully: No. She was getting me the newspaper.
Jake: All right, this is useless. Scully, is Kelly your wife or your dog?
Scully: How can you ask me that?
Jake: I still don't know which it is.
Charles: Could be either.
Jake: I could not tell you.