Captain Holt: Sergeant, you were in the 1-8 with me. Though you were significantly-
Sergeant Jeffords: Fatter, sir. They called me Terry Titties. Because I had large-
Captain Holt: Titties. Yes, I remember. I never liked that nickname. Though, to be fair, it was accurate.

Captain Holt: Tell me about Peralta.
Sergeant Jeffords: Jacob Peralta is my best detective. He likes putting away bad guys and he loves solving puzzles. The only puzzle he hasn't solved is how to grow up.
Captain Holt: That was very well put.
Sergeant Jeffords: I've talked a lot about Jake in my departmentally-mandated therapy sessions.

Amy: Rosa is even wearing her formal leather jacket.
Rosa: It's the one without any blood on it.

Amy: I can read him. And if anyone can figure out what's bothering him, it's me. He and I are exactly the same. Except that I'm younger, Cuban, female, single, and straight.
Scully: Captain Holt's not gay. *Amy & Terry stare at Scully* Captain Holt's gay?
Amy: Seriously, man. Just retire.

Captain Holt: You've been needling poor Peralta so much, you've practically made him a new suit.
Kevin: "Needled him a new suit." Even when we're fighting, you're hilarious. Stop it. Stop it.

Cory: It was like taking candy from a baby.
Sergeant Jeffords: Why are you giving candy to a baby in the first place? Don't give candy to a baby! They can't brush their teeth!

Jake: I've been trying to catch the Pontiac Bandit for eight years. You know how many months that is?
Rosa: 96.
Jake: 80. 40. 6. Years. Months.
Captain Holt: Do you need a math tutor? Because the department will provide one for you.
Jake: I can't tell if you're being serious.

Sergeant Jeffords: What's my name?
Jake: Terry Jeffords.
Sergeant Jeffords: What is my name?
Jake: The Ebony Falcon.
Sergeant Jeffords: And what does The Ebony Falcon do?
Jake: Takes every precaution to ensure his own safety.[Terry breathes heavily] Takes bad guys to jail and bad girls to bed.
Sergeant Jeffords: Hell yeah he does. Except now the Ebony Falcon is monogamous and too tired for sex so his only indulgence is fresh-fruit yogurt parfaits.

Gina: He's so suave. Does anyone else get a little bit of a gay vibe? No? Okay.

Rosa: Next time I catch him shaving I'm gonna punch him so hard in the mouth that he bites his own heart.

Hitchcock: What bet? What are you guys talking about?
Sergeant Jeffords: Seriously? The bet? They've been keeping score all year. It comes up all the time. What are you doing all day?!
Hitchcock: Nothing. Why, you want to hang out?

Jake: Boyle, frisk the skinny one.
Charles: I've gone 42 years without a lump of coal. I'm not gonna start now.

Rosa: In this case, not being a cop might be better.
Gina: That's true in all cases. Cops are the worst.

Jake: Has anyone ever told you you look just like a statue?
Captain Holt: Yes.

Amy: What's your name?
Mlepnos: my name?
Jake: Uh-uh.
Mlepnos: Mlepnos.
Jake: Can you spell that please?
Mlepnos: M-l-e-p clay.
Amy: Did you say "clay"?
Mlepnos: Yes, the "clay" is silent.