Quote from Sergeant Jeffords in the episode Lockdown
Sergeant Jeffords: Plus, the longer I stay out of my house today, the better. My brother-in-law, Zeke, is in town.
Captain Holt: Oh, I remember Zeke. Large gentleman. Calls you Tiny Terry.
Sergeant Jeffords: Also teensie Terry, Teeny Weeny Terry Berry, and Little Dumb Dumb. You know, it's that lack of effort on the last one that really gets me.
Quote from Jake in the episode Chocolate Milk
Sergeant Jeffords: I guess I didn't really think of you as that kind of friend.
Jake: Sarge, I'm every kind of friend. I'm Phoebe, I'm Chandler, I'm Rachel, I'm - who's the dinosaur guy?
Sergeant Jeffords: Ross, bro. Ross!
Jake: Sorry, I forgot you were such a Ross head.
Quote from Captain Holt in the episode The Road Trip
Captain Holt: I have zero interest in food. If it were feasible, my diet would consist entirely of flavorless beige smoothies containing all the nutrients required by the human animal.
Quote from Sergeant Jeffords in the episode The Mole
Sergeant Jeffords: I was raised on disco. Little Terry loved to hustle.
Quote from Captain Holt in the episode The Wednesday Incident
Captain Holt: Squad, since Peralta's briefing was cut short, you can all use this time to clean up your desks. Look at this place. Half-eaten food, crumpled tissues, pictures of your families.
Sergeant Jeffords: What's wrong with pictures?
Captain Holt: If you love someone, you'll remember what they look like.
Quote from Captain Holt in the episode Boyle-Linetti Wedding
Minister: So, do you Kevin-
Kevin:Yes.
Minister: And do you-
Captain Holt: Yes. Yes. We do. We're married.
Quote from Doug Judy in the episode The Pontiac Bandit Returns
Captain Holt: Give me some details.
Doug Judy: Ruiz and I were cellies in Attica in the '90s. He texted me last week. Needs some cars to deliver his product. I said no because drugs are stupid. Except for weed and sex pills. A man has needs. [singing] Rosa, Rosa, Rosa, Rosa. I can't think of your last name, baby.
Captain Holt: Enough crooning!
Quote from Gina in the episode USPIS
Captain Holt: Santiago, I may need you to come in for a bit on saturday.
Amy: Again? Are you kidding me, man? (Gasps) I'm sorry. Let's start fresh. Hi!
Sergeant Jeffords: Oh, my God.
Captain Holt: What just happened?
Gina: Her mind finally snapped, like a stale breadstick.
Quote from Charles in the episode The Road Trip
Captain Holt: Anyway, tomorrow's my anniversary with Kevin. I'd like to cook him an impressive breakfast. Could you help orient me with that process?
Charles: I'd be honored. Preparing food for one's lover is the most intimate gift of all. Aside from washing their hair.
Quote from Jake in the episode Jake and Sophia
Jake: It is fun, but you're all wrong. She clearly slipped through a subway grate and is having terrible sex with a mole man.
Quote from Charles in the episode Jake and Sophia
Jake: All right, I'm gonna win this case and then we can put my horrible sexual experience behind us forever.
Charles: I don't know Jake. I'm afraid I'm gonna think about it every time I look at your crotch.
Jake: Then stop looking at my crotch!
Quote from Charles in the episode Sabotage
Charles: You're useless. You are completely useless. You are, without a doubt, the most incompetent detectives I've ever seen. And I am including that bomb sniffing dog that humps all the bombs.
Quote from Charles in the episode Captain Peralta
Charles: He should already think you're great. Like with my dad. He doesn't need me to prove to him that Jake Peralta's the best cop in the precinct, he knows it.
Quote from Sergeant Jeffords in the episode Undercover
Sergeant Jeffords: My name is Adelaide Van Hoyt. I'm eighty-nine years old, and I'm here to report a crime.
Amy: Not a problem. We can help you.
Rosa: Adelaide Van Hoyt. Eighty-nine years old. Goatee, six three, and two hundred and ninety pounds.
Sergeant Jeffords: Hey, this is a tight two-forty. Show Adelaide some damn respect.
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