Sergeant Jeffords: Here are the account numbers for the bank where the money showed up. Now, we're in a real hurry. You think you can trace it back to its source?
Pandemic: Are you questioning my abilities? Watch this. What's your name?
Sergeant Jeffords: Why do you need-
Charles: Terrence Vincent Jeffords.
Sergeant Jeffords: Wait. What's happening?
Pandemic: You're getting hacked, bro. That's what's happening.
Sergeant Jeffords: Don't do that.
Pandemic: I'm in your home computer.
Sergeant Jeffords: You are? Get out.
Pandemic: You got a lot of songs by Natalie Imbruglia.
Sergeant Jeffords: Uh, I bought those back in the '90s.
Pandemic: Nope. Downloaded on Thursday.

Pandemic: Okay, now watch the Pandemic spread. There's a document in here that looks to be fan fiction for the show "Madam Secretary."
Charles: Oh, Sarge, I didn't know you were a fan of the Madam.
Sergeant Jeffords: The show leaves Terry wanting more. I'm just filling in the gaps.

Jake: Now get to hacking. Guys, I think I found something.
Scully: Is it my heart medicine? My doctor said that if I miss even one dose, I could have a massive stro-
Jake: No, Scully, this is important.

Captain Holt: Has anyone seen Diaz? She's supposed be looking into the first two bank robberies.
Hitchcock: I saw her outside the courthouse. She gave me her jacket and her motorcycle helmet.
Captain Holt: Why would she give you her favorite jacket?
Hitchcock: Because I'm a rebel, and we're in love. Doi.

Sergeant Jeffords: Just tell us if this is impossible. We don't have a lot of time to waste, and we've been here, like, five hours already.
Nightmare: Huh. You don't think I can do this? Is it because I'm a woman?
Sergeant Jeffords: No, no, I didn't say that.
Charles: I think women are amazing.
Nightmare: Thank you. And now I'm about to hack your world into pieces, old man. That'll show you.
Sergeant Jeffords: No. Just do the thing with the bank. That'll show me.
Nightmare: Whoa. Looks like someone was a catalog model in Japan.
Charles: Whoa! Those boots. That slicker. The no pants. Who's the target audience for these pics, Sarge?
Sergeant Jeffords: I was a starving student. Terry needed the yen!

Matthew Langdon: I caught her taking payoffs from a gang leader. When I confronted her about it, she said I could disappear or she'd kill me.
Jake: I see why you chose pig farming. It's better than death.
Matthew Langdon: Not during the spring thaw.
Jake: Why? Does it smell even worse somehow?
Matthew Langdon: I was talking about the noises. It's pig mating season.
Jake: What does that sound like, a bunch of wet bagpipes?
Matthew Langdon: That's exactly it.
Jake: Oh.
Amy: Nailed it.

Rosa: I don't know why you're here. You're not gonna change my mind.
Captain Holt: I know. I just wanted to say good-bye.
Rosa: Okay. Good-bye.
Captain Holt: I hope you know your family's gonna miss you.
Rosa: I don't care. I barely speak to them.
Captain Holt: I was talking about the Nine-Nine. Be safe, Rachel Weinstein.

Jake: I guess now we have to actually talk about what happens if the jury finds me guilty.
Amy: They still might not. We could still go to Paris.
Jake: Forget Paris. Billy Crystal. Nailed it.

Rosa: I'm here! Sorry, traffic was a nightmare coming back from Philadelphia, cheesesteak restaurant. They do breakfast. It checks out.

Charles: I'm getting worried. We're running out of time.
Nightmare: It's fine. This place is open 24-5. Only closed on weekends.
Sergeant Jeffords: Such a strange theme for a restaurant.

Charles: Did you guys find anything yet?
Pandemic: Yes. Terry made a sizable purchase at an Etsy store that sells anklets for men.
Sergeant Jeffords: Sharon thinks they're sexy. Oh, come on! Focus on the case, man.

Charles: Sorry I'm late everyone, but trust me, it's worth it. Me and Jake are tip buds. [yelling] What? [screaming] No!
Both: No!
Jake: You know what I do see it. It's bad. It looks bad.

Charles: Yes, okay, I'm Jacques Guillaume, and you are Henri Renault. We are cat burglars on vacation from France.
Jake: I love it although Henri went to an elite international school, so he does not speak with an accent.
Charles: Wow, nice, way to flesh out the characters.

Jake: Yes, we gotta get outta here, so we turn to leave, you flick your cigarette. Using the cane, using the cane, this is awesome. [gasps] Voila! Zee butt.
Charles: I thought Henri didn't have an accent.
Jake: It comes out when he gets excited.

Jake: Okay. Crank up the tunes, Boyle. The Night Boys need an anthem. Something dark, something tough, something I already got it. [Lionel Richie's "All Night Long" playing] You know what? I'm into it.