Charles: Amy, Gina, you came!
Amy: You think I'd miss opening day of your food truck? I'm your biggest fan.
Gina: Also your biggest investor. She was freaking out she was gonna lose a ton of money.
Amy: I told you that in confidence.
Gina: We don't have that kind of relationship.

Jake: Then why'd you do it?
Captain Holt: I'm compromised. I made a decision a while ago, and now some people are holding it over my head. I'm afraid of what they'll ask me to do if I become Commissioner.
Jake: You're compromised? How did this happen, Mr. Prevailing Traffic and Road Conditions?
Captain Holt: It doesn't matter.
Amy: Seamus Murphy.
Jake: What?
Amy: Seamus Murphy, the gangster. He offered me info that would get you and Rosa out of prison, in exchange for a favor. And Holt told me to turn it down, because he said it was too risky. But you didn't turn it down, did you, Captain?
Captain Holt: No, I did not.

Oscar Diaz: Sing the song.
Jake: "Rosa, Rosa, Rosa, Rosa Rosa, Rosa, Rosa, Rosa, Diaz, Diaz, Diaz, Diaz Diaz, Diaz, Diaz, Diaz Rosa Diaz, Rosa Diaz Diaz Rosa, Rosa Diaz Diaz, you are so cool."
Rosa: Sounds better with a guitar.

Jake: Well, we're actually looking for some work right now. We just got into town from Miami.
Charles: Where we didn't sleep with the same prostitute.

Sergeant Jeffords: Sir, I don't want any tension between the squad and the uniformed officers. I'm just thinking about the precinct.
Captain Holt: You're lying. You're upset because Teri-with-an-I called you arrogant, and you have a pathological need to be liked.
Sergeant Jeffords: What? No, I don't. I just happen to be a great person who's naturally beloved by all despite my personal ambivalence.

Sergeant Jeffords: Look, being a working parent is hard. When my twins were born, I made Sharon keep the phone on all day just so I could listen to them. One month, I used 25,000 minutes. I'm sorry, I just realized I told you it sucks and there's no solution.
Gina: That's okay. It's kind of nice to hear this kind of thing from another parent, so thank you.

Amy: Okay, two months in a safe house that's not impossible.
Charles: It's nothing. I once stayed in my apartment for 3 1/2 months straight.
Amy: Was that after they canceled "Bunheads"?
Charles: Why would you bring that up?

Rosa: We have to get that permit.
Amy: How? The forms don't make any sense. I mean, is anything even real?
Rosa: No. Odds are we exist in a computer simulation, but I don't have time to go down that rabbit hole.

Jake: I never realized I could have feelings this strong about a building.
Amy: Okay, we just have to drop off our deposit, and then we're done for the day.
Jake: [in posh British accent] Well, it would appear that we have achieved what scholars refer to as the "toitest of nups"!
Amy: [in British accent] Indeed!

Captain Holt: So, did you make contact with Murphy's weak link, Diane Keaton's brother-in-law?

Jake: Love all the lamps.
Kyle Murphy: Thanks. I accidentally ordered 100 lamps instead of one. They only give you, like, a six-month return window, so. You get it.
Jake: Totally.

Gina: But there is one thing: I need a private place where I can pump. I was thinking maybe I could take this whole floor and you guys could move down to that place where we park.
Sergeant Jeffords: The garage?
Gina: Sure, if you think that works.

Jake: All right, let's go over our covers one more time. We are small-time operators that just moved here from Miami. We piloted go-fast boats, moving contraband to Cuba.
Charles: Where we slept with the same prostitute.
Jake: No.
Charles: And she said you were the best she ever had.
Jake: Maybe.
Charles: And I should watch you to learn.
Jake: Back to no let's just not talk about our sex lives.

Captain Holt: All right, go make contact with Diane Keaton's brother-in-law.
Jake: Fredo. It's Fredo. It's one of the most popular movies of all time. Won best picture, so.

Amy: I don't know what I was thinking. We've been at it for two hours and all we've got is three words.
Sergeant Jeffords: Really two. Terry's just fooling himself. "Apache's" a long shot at best.