Madeline Wuntch: And after all your so-called detective work, you didn't even get the right guy.
Raymond, Raymond, Raymond-
Captain Holt: It was an error, but-
Madeline Wuntch: Do not interrupt me.
Raymond, Raymond, Raymond, Raymond.
Seven times, once for every day your juicy, insubordinate ass is suspended.
The Vulture: Same goes for you, Peralta. Except for the juicy ass part, because your ass is stupid.

Charles: Sarge, I know you have every right to be stressed out.
A new kid on the way, Sharon's on bed rest, global warming-
Sergeant Jeffords: This preamble is making me nibby. Get to the point.

Sergeant Jeffords: I just wanted to ask: If Sharon gets here before I'm back from Rikers, can you make sure she's comfortable? And also, um, keep Captain Holt away from her.
Jake: Really? Why?
Sergeant Jeffords: He's always weird around her and it stresses her out. She says he reminds her of those judgmental trees from Lord of the Rings.
Jake: (scoffs) They're called Ents. Get a life, dweeb.
Sergeant Jeffords: I don't care.
Jake: Okay.

Jake: Whatever, Judy. You're under arrest.
Doug Judy: You can't arrest me, boo. We're in international waters, which is also why I can smoke as much weed as I want. Welcome to the high seas.
Jake: No, no way that that's true. Amy, tell me I can arrest him right now.
Amy: Judy's right. We have no jurisdiction. Technically this boat flies under the flag of Uzbekistan.
Doug Judy: Uh-oh, your girl knows about the Uzbeks!

Amy: Rejected? I've never been rejected from anything.
Scully: Me neither. Oops, did you say rejected or ejected? I've been rejected a lot.
Amy: I don't understand. My application was so good.
Scully: You know what? I've also been ejected. Flume ride, Topeka, Kansas.
Amy: How did this happen?
Scully: Just forgot to put on the belt.

Captain Holt: Morning, everyone.
Jake: Morning, sir. Hey, look. We're food stain buds. Who are you wearing? Porridge?
Captain Holt: Um, oatmeal.

Rosa: Anyway, we have to work a stream of B&E's on 4th Street. It's time for you to move on. It's what Jackson would've wanted.
Charles: Jason!
Rosa: Whatever, little buddy.

Adrian Pimento: This was a mistake. I'm not ready. I knew I wasn't ready to go back to being police. It's the only job I've ever had except for bagging groceries at the supermarket at the corner of Atlantic and Clinton. I guess I could go back to that again. "Paper or plastic?" Yeah, still got it.

Rosa: I don't understand why I'm on a wheelchair.
Gina: Cut! For the last time, Rosa, through the magic of special effects, the wheelchair will turn into a horse, but I need you to work with me. Give me a little "hee-yah! Hee-yah!"

Jake: Oh, let me get that. Try now. Oh, I can't control the locks. Hang on. Try now.
One, two, three. Try now. Try now. Here we come, Cheddar! Try now. Here we come, Cheddar! Try now. Try now. Try now. Here we come, Cheddar! Try now.

Jake: Holy Moses. He's alive.

Gina: Oh-ho, Terry took you down!