Charles: Jake, can you please spiral a little quieter? Nikolaj is still asleep and if he hears two men arguing in the next room, he might think he's getting sold again.
Jake: Aww, man, his backstory is so sad.
Charles: I know.

Rosa: And now I don't know what to do.
Amy: I think you do know what to do.
Rosa: Thanks, Amy. (leaves the room)
Amy: I have no idea what she's gonna do but that's the safest way to give Rosa advice.
Sergeant Jeffords: Yep.

Jake: Nothing makes sense anymore. The Vulture's not the Vulture, good is bad, up is down, there's a young pope, winter has come. That reminds me: I ordered some premium cable channels.

Jake: So are you seeing anyone now?
Rosa: Yeah. Her name's Tiffany.
Jake: Are you lying about her name so we won't look her up?
Rosa: Yes, I am. Next.

Rosa: No, I mean when I told everyone I was bi. Was it too touchy-feely?
Jake: Rosa, no. It was great. And don't worry, just because you opened up a little bit doesn't mean everyone's gonna be less afraid of you. We're all still terrified.
Rosa: Thanks, Jake.

Oscar Diaz: Mijita, when you called this dinner, you were so nervous, we were worried you were gonna tell us you were gay.
Rosa: So you would rather me be some dude's mistress than be in a loving relationship with a woman? Well, Jake and I aren't dating. But guess what? Your worst fears are real. I'm not straight. I'm bisexual. And I don't care what you think about it. Screw this. I'm outta here.

Captain Holt: I expect certain things from my assistant. Black ink only. No blue.
I'm not a street artist. Also, if you must knock on my door, limit yourself to two raps. If I wanted to hear inane pounding, I could go see "Stomp."

Jake: Um, when was the last time you saw your dad?
Kate Peralta: I mean, I've only ever met him like nine times. Ten if you count the time he sent his co-pilot Steve to hang out with me, 'cause he was too hungover.
Jake: I remember Steve. He taught me how to shave.
Kate Peralta: He taught me how to shave.
Amy: Where?!

Amy: Mrs. Peralta, I love this new ceramic that you painted. You know, my mom paints as well.
Karen Peralta: Really?
Camila Santiago: Yes. I paint on canvases though.
Jake: Oh. And that's different?
Karen Peralta: Very.
Camila Santiago: Completely.
Karen Peralta: I just always found canvas to be too restricting. For me with bowls and vases and furniture, the world is my canvas.
Camila Santiago: Yes, and for me, with canvas, the canvas is my canvas.
Jake: She said "canvas" so much.

Captain Holt: Thank you, all, for joining me. I checked into your alibis. Or should I say alib-lies!

Amy: Boyle, I don't even have a dress.
Charles: You can wear Gina's. I'm sure it's white.
Amy: There's no way Gina was gonna wear a white dress to my wedding.
[later]
Gina: No, I definitely was.
Amy: What?
Gina: I thought you'd just wear a Grey pantsuit or something. I would never wear a Grey pantsuit to your wedding, I promise you that.

Charles: Bye Rosa. I mean, not "bi," but bye! I mean, see ya! I mean, have fun only having sex with men. Just bangin' dudes, left and right.

Sergeant Jeffords: Look, that guy's watching a video. No buffering. They got all the bars, Captain. All the bars!

Rosa: What are you doing here?
Oscar Diaz: I wanted to say I'm sorry. I reacted poorly last night. This is all new to me.
Rosa: I know. But it's also not new, you know. I'm still the same person I always was.
Oscar Diaz: Well, I don't feel I know that person.
Rosa: Dad-
Oscar Diaz: My fault, not yours. I want you to be able to tell me everything. I can't promise you I'll understand. But I'm trying. I want you to know that I accept you for who you are. And I love you very, very much.
Rosa: I love you, too.
Oscar Diaz: So have you been on any dates with women, yet?
Rosa: Dad, we didn't talk about my dating life before, we don't need to talk about it now.
Oscar Diaz: Yeah, good, good. You're right.

Captain Holt: Boyle?
Charles: [crying] Nikolaj is a picky eater! I lied about his palate. All he drinks is milk. All he eats is buttered noodles.
Captain Holt: And perhaps my walnut pie?
Charles: I wish. He hates nuts. My son is a basic bitch.